What MLB Players, Owners Can Learn About Negotiating From ‘The Office’

“Own the solution” – Michael Scott 

To paraphrase Michael Scott from The Office, I love baseball and it pains me to see all of the negativity festering. 

And it is yet another day with no baseball as the MLB lockout rolls on and labor negotiations between MLB and the players union move at a snail's pace.

As there is "no substantive progress” in these talks as of Thursday and spring training has already been delayed, I thought they could use some help from one of the best problem-solvers in the paper business. Or in any business.

Here are some lessons that those involved in these talks can take from Michael about negotiation and mediation, because, say what you will, but Michael did find solutions as a manager. The solutions were not always the most ideal, but they were solutions nonetheless.

Negotiation 

There is an entire episode of The Office dedicated to negotiation tactics, called "The Negotiation," and I highly suggest these two sides consider Michael's advice here, which he got from Wikipedia.

As Michael said after his outfit derailed the entire raise negotiation with Darryl, “Negotiations are all about controlling things, about being in the driver’s seat.”

A few things Michael taught us about negotiation:

By leaning back and whispering you establish a dominant physical position. Genius. Of course, Michael shows us how to do this with his own take on it by mumbling instead of whispering.

Walk out of the room unexpectedly. 

There’s “tactic No. 6” which is to change the location of the meeting at the last second, which “totally throws them off.” 

Then there is tactic No. 14, which is declining to speak first, which “makes them feel uncomfortable, puts you in control.” They might already be doing this in the baseball talks and that's why it's taking so long.

And if these two sides want to negotiate money “the way these things are done in films,” have the MLBPA write down how much money they want on a piece of paper, fold it and slide it across the desk to the MLB side.  

Also, keep taking 15-minute breaks, which, again, I’m sure both sides of the baseball debacle already know based on how long the recent meetings have gone. 

Michael then used Darryl’s raise negotiation to negotiate his own raise with corporate and was summoned to face off in his toughest battle yet with his girlfriend/boss, Jan Levinson. She tried to use “tactic No. 8” on Michael, suggesting they take a break from the meeting, to which Michael says, “Don’t try tactic No. 8 on me. I invented tactic No. 8.” 

Also, as Michael notes after his successful negotiation, “life is about more than just salary. It’s about perks.” Note to MLB players, negotiate for perks. 

And don’t forget to say “pippity poppity, give me the zoppity.” 

Mediation

Mediation has also been a hot topic in these meetings. MLB keeps requesting federal mediation, which the players union keeps rejecting. But here's what could happen should they choose to federally mediate this dispute, as there is also an entire Office episode, "Conflict Resolution," devoted to mediating disputes.

Michael Scott knows a thing or two about mediation thanks to A Mediator’s Toolchest, an underrated handbook, which brought us the win-win-win situation in which Oscar wears Angela’s poster of babies playing instruments as a T-shirt so Angela can look at it, but Oscar doesn’t have to. I mean, it’s brilliant. They both win, plus Michael wins for successfully resolving an office conflict. If MLB players and owners can get a hold of a copy of A Mediator’s Toolchest, they'll be back in business.

In this dispute over the poster in question hung up by Angela, Michael instructs Angela and Oscar to “one at a time, express your feelings using ‘I’ emotion language and no judging or ‘you’ statements.” This is the stuff these two baseball sides need in order to resolve this dispute. 

If the two sides of the MLB talks wanted to pursue the mediation route, they would have to ask themselves some deep questions about what kind of solution they want. Do they want lose-lose, win-lose, win-win or win-win-win? Ideally, win-win-win would be the best option, but how to get there with these two sides is the question.

If the MLB players and owners could just follow these tips and make the poster into a T-shirt, we'll have baseball by April.